2020 will go down in history, that’s a definite. But what has it meant for you? There have been three very significant changes in the life of JK, which I thought I would write down. Partly to share how someone with a reputation for confidence can go through such periods of anxiety, but also to remind myself that no matter how dark a period seems, there are always lighter times ahead.
2020 was going to be my BIG year! It was full of promise – I had more work in the diary than ever before, my business plan was in excellent shape, I’d been nominated for Cheshire Business Woman of the Year and I felt full of confidence!
This lasted for a whole 76 days! On Monday 16 March, when the Government announced that large groups were banned, I knew that everything in my business was going to come to a full stop.
It may sound selfish, but I was so worried about what was going to happen.
I am an extrovert and get my energy from other people. I have a busy life which involves working hard, running around helping other people, chairing my local musical theatre group and being a single full time mum to my three teenage sons who have their own busy lives.
I spent the next 13 days in a terrible state. I was lost, I didn’t know what to do with my business, I was desperately low and missing my friends like you wouldn’t believe. The only positive was having my boys with me, and with their GCSEs and A Levels cancelled the stress in the household was suddenly diminished.
I noticed I was getting a few pains in my left arm – a bit like I’d smacked my funny bone or some such sensation. It only lasted a few moments but was happening more and more often until finally, in the early hours of Sunday 29 March, the pain got to the point of burning across my chest and I was sure I was having a heart attack, which was confirmed after I was taken to hospital that morning. After 4 days in hospital I was diagnosed with a rare form of angina, which is a spasming of the heart generally occurring when at rest. A spasm had been so severe that it caused my arteries to collapse.
This was obviously a big shock to me, I’m not over weight, under 50 and generally in good health.
However, it literally stopped everything in its tracks. Gone were the fears about my business – I just wanted to rest, recuperate and make sure my boys and I were safe and well.
It’s been 6 weeks since that happened, and I have been enjoying the calm world I have found myself in. It’s something that I never thought I’d be comfortable with, and I do miss my friends so much, as well as just seeing other adults face to face.
I don’t know what the future holds for any of us – who ever does really? – but I know that I’ve finally got to a place in my recovery and in my head space where I’m planning what events and client entertaining can look like during this mid term of between full lockdown and ‘normality’.
I hope you and yours are staying safe, finding the positives and looking towards the future whilst managing the here and now.